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The Lair of a Shiksa Goddess

See I'm Smiling...

4/8/06 01:07 pm - Purple, green, orange.

Color Survey.

Red: Anger
1. Are you currently mad at someone? a little bit.
2. Which of your friends has the worst temper? mara
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? yes, damn you jay.
4. Does your face turn red when you're angry? nope
5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell? I start out all calm and then I blow up at someone I shouldn't.

Orange: Excitement
1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party? yep twice
2. Are you easily excited? excited...how so? hehe. But Yes.
3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about? Tonight, Madelyn is sleeping over! Squee!
4. Which of your friends is most excitable? Myself
5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought? Road trip!!
6. If you could have anything right now what would it be? Madelyn.

Yellow: Self-discovery
1. Full Name? Katherine Leia Limbacher
2. Where were you born? Boston, Mass
3. What's your main goal in life? to be happy
4. Do you want to have children? Not really
5. How do you want to die? I actually don't really want to die..

Green: Opinions
1. Sex before marriage? Yeah...that'd be so hypocritical if I said no.
2. Gay Marriage? Hell Yes.
3. Lowering the drinking age? We should turn it around like Germany. Have 16 drinking age. And 18 driving age. So we can get all of our drinking out of the way!
4. Capital Punishment? Fuck no.
5. Abortion? I wouldn't do it, but it's not up to me to decide for others.
6. Recycling? Yes, recycle recycle recycle

Blue: Dreams
1. What was your latest dream? It was pretty raunchy. Who here has seen Century Hotel? ...
2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most? Both Jordans and Madelyn♥
3. Have any of your dreams come true? Sometimes they do.
4. Do you usually remember your dreams? Oh yeah, always
5. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had? it had something to do with me starting a cheese business, but I was doubling as a superhero that could turn into a frog.

Purple: Love
1. Straight, Gay, Bi? I'm bi, because of Madelyn...
2. do you have a bf/gf? Sort of. I guess Carson kinda counts.
3. Do you have a crush? oh yes. but you all knew that.
4. Who is the best "hugger" that you know? James
5. Do you believe in Love at first sight? no
6. Have you ever been in love? I don't know.

4/4/06 08:48 pm - Don't Mess.

School is shit.

Seeing all these fucking happy couples is just making me sick. I can't STAND it anymore!!! Everyone's either kissing or holding hands or like full out having hardcore sex in the hallways. And there I am walking with Madelyn to class.

Fuck! Fuck, Fuck!
I feel like shit.

Jeez this is such an angsty entry. I should have put a "teen angst warning" at the top. Just to give everyone a heads up.

GOD! Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I fall for someone simple? Like all of those pretty, popular girls. The cutsey little cheerleaders, who makeout with eachother in the locker rooms because their pansy ass boyfriends don't give them enough.
At least I could snatch up some action.
Fuck! But I'm not like that. Never have been, never will be. Even when I do hookup with guys I feel kind of bad afterwards like I should do something more.

It's so sad that I feel like such shit, because in actuality I should be happy. Carson (the 2nd best kisser in the world) asked me on a "date" this afternoon. Saturday, he's picking me up.
But really I just felt like shit. Madelyn was telling me how happy she was for me. And she had that misty eyed 'I wish I had someone to go out with on Saturday night'.

Oh if she only knew, what I would do for her on a Saturday night.

4/3/06 09:15 pm - Have you ever thought of trying a career in crying?

Because you'd make a fortune!

So last night I had a long crying session with Madelyn. I think she left my house at circa 4 am.
My shirt was completely tear drenched. Not that I minded.
Not at all.
I'd give her all the shirts I own, just to stop her tears.

Cameron knew. I don't know how the hell he knew, but he did. He came into my room, when I was sitting there on my bed hands in my hair, head down and said, "Oh, you've got it bad."
"Is it that obvious."
"Oh honey..."
He's so openly gay with me now. Before he was definitely trying to suppress or hide it. But now he's so very gay. It's wonderful! Just gives me another reason to adore him!

Another heart to heart commenced. The crying ensued.

Why does it have to be so hard?

4/2/06 08:59 pm - If you were gay.

So I just found out my brother was gay.

This afternoon.

And he found out I was bi. Oh wow. Was it like national coming out day? No...that's some day in like june or something...

I walked in on him making out with his "friend" Chris who had slept over last night. God. I don't even want to know what was going on last night! hah.
Actually for some reason I find guy on guy action like a total turn on.
I'm a little bit of a wierdo, but we all knew that.

But we had a long 'brother sister heart to heart'. Gee it was time for one of those.

I really love my Cameron brother. Hehe, brother Cameron.

In other news. Madelyn's boyfriend broke up with her, because he found a hotter piece of ass.
That fuck.

I'm prepared with tissues, and love.

4/2/06 11:04 am

Fucking girls.

No wonder girls are meant to be into guys.
1) They are simple
2) They don't send mixed signals
3) The whole sexual reproduction thing...
4) You don't worry about being deep with them
5) Grrr...girls are just so damn confusing. Why would you EVER want to put up with that?

I mean. Geez. Throw me a damn bone here. Give me a completely clear signal.

For the past couple Madelyn has been acting differently around me. Not the different where it's obvious when someone likes you.
You know that kind of different. Like when you hook up with someone at a party and the next couple days they don't really talk to you. And when they do it's really uncomfortable. This is usually because they like you, and they want your relationship to extend beyond that of a quicky in someone else's bedroom.
Of course, this is guys I'm referring to.
Girls are a whole different story. I have no insight there. Being that I've never hooked up with a girl at a party. (yet...that is)

But Maddy has been like all up over me. Like hugging me all the time.
And I'm not the huggiest person when it comes to me and my "girl" friends.
I am when it comes to guys.
I don't know what to do.

I'm so confused.

3/30/06 11:08 pm - Nothing is as it seems...

We kissed.
We didn't just kiss
We full on made out.

Here's the story. Our soccer team won it's match against Morton Highschool. Our rival team. And guess who scored the final goal!
Yes, you guessed it...yours truly.

We all headed over for a late night party at Brittany's house. She's like the official party house.
Hot tub, pool, tennis court, the works. Rich ass people. (But it's a tad cold for the swimming pool in the middle of March up here in Mass)
--and there was no drinking. School night, parents, coaches.

It's tradition that everyone hug or kiss the winning goal person.
So I get kissed by all of the guys (what can I say I'm a guys lady...I guess that's what people like me are called. good thing I'm bi. i do happen to like guys).
And huge hugs from most of the girls.
So I finally get over to Madelyn (I was being mobbed by billions of adoring fans...haha right).
We're sitting together in the hot tub with a bunch of guys. Namely her brother Steven, Zach, Carson (possibly the hottest guy in the world. who I got second greatest kiss ever from), and Chip.
Carson says, "Madelyn. You didn't congratulate Kate."
Madelyn exclaims, "Oh!"
And immediately gives me a HUGE hug.
Carson, "Pshh. You can do better than that!"
All of the other guys agree. For about 5 minutes they sit there trying to force her to congratulate me in a better manner. (P.S. her brother gets up and leaves)
I'm just sitting there laughing. All of a sudden. I feel soft lips on mine. And hands on either side of my face. My eyes pop wide open and then go on automatic, they close.
She was expertly sucking on my bottom lip. No tongue. Neither of us dared to go there. I actually wasn't too sure how to react. But she seemed to be enjoying kissing me, and of course I was, so naturally I kissed her back.

Once we broke the kiss I was still in a complete daze. I couldn't hear ANYTHING, except my heartbeat. Which seemed to be droning in my ears.
Then I heard the boys in the hot tub cheering. Then I feel a different set of lips on me. Carson. Again.
He really is a talented kisser.
But the #1 kisser in the world couldn't measure up to the last one.

But in the end Madelyn is still straight.
I left the party, only to see her straddling her boyfriend making out with him. More like eating his face off. Ew.
She's only supposed to do that to me.

3/26/06 07:55 pm - I swear to god I'll never understand...

...how you can stand there straight and tall--and see I'm crying--and not do anything at all.

Today was alright, I guess.
The festivities of two nights ago have still sort of got me on edge. Not the Madelyn issue, but the issue that I flirted way to closely with fate.
If those cops would have shown their lights into the bushes they would have seen me.
on top of each other.

Boy, would they have gotten the wrong impression. An impression I would love to have given them. An impression I long to be true.
Geez I'm in way over my head.

Oh, and in lighter and happier news. This guy has a MONDO crush on me.
As shallow as this sounds, I think I should move forward with him or at least hook up with him. Just to get my mind off her.

Maybe stifle this hopeless Madelyn flame.

3/25/06 05:39 pm - One day lose, the next day win.

Nothing goes as planned.

Last night was The Party. Like the largest party in our grade ever.
The first actual drinking party.

And cops found out about it, and practically everyone was busted. My best friend Madelyn and I were at the party(the one who is in ALL of my entries so far).
When we both heard the cop sirens, she and I darted out the back and dove into the neighbors bushes. We hid there until like 3 in the morning. When we were sure no one was going to find us. Mind you, this was about one o'clock when we threw ourselves into the bushes.

For the 1st hour we sat in complete silence, like on top of each other and I didn't think anything of it. Then as my worrying died down a little, my damn hormones wurred into effect.
I realized that she was practically lying on top of me and her face was like in my neck. All of these visions and images kept popping into my mind. Way past PG rated. And I was trying to make them go away. After all, we were in an arrested/or not situation.
But then unconsciously I started to run my fingers through her hair...

Big no no. Or so I thought.

But she didn't react. Then I noticed I was doing it, and immediately stopped. Then she goes, "No don't stop. It's calming me down."
So I was like. OH MY GOD! Is this like a little signal to me? A big HUGE 'Go' Sign?
I decided not to move any further, just resume stroking her hair.
Good thing I didn't do anything else because then she says, "You've always known how to calm me down, Kate. You're the best friend I've ever had, and ever will have."


End of story. We were not arrested. But I still felt like shit.

3/23/06 06:33 pm - Oh me, oh my.

So my best friend just left, after her crying session with me.

Damn her boyfriend. How dare you abuse someone so perfect.

How dare god create her, make her my best friend, and then make me attracted to girls just like her.


3/22/06 10:37 pm - Come on now smile.

I'm taking a break from piano.
I actually just don't want to take from my damn teacher. She fucking sucks. And...I hate to sound like a stuck up prick but I'm too good of a piano player to be taking lessons from that amatuer teacher. Shit, that wasn't conceited at all.


I'm just sick of her telling me that I should be better, when I work my ass off and I know I'm good.

We had a huge argument in comparetive religions about gays and gay marriage. I defended every gay out there with my life. My arguments kicked ass. My points were valid.

This is such a Kate-fullofherself entry. And it's only my 3rd one. Man I'm off to a good start. Blah.
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